Dear Magnus
by Ayanfe
Summary: Alec wrote letters for Magnus to read when he's dead.
1. A Message from the Dead

**I don't know how many chapters there will be. Most of them will be pretty short though. These letters are not in any particular order.**

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The box was made of dark wood and polished to a shine. A simple gold clasp held it shut. However, it was what was inside the box that was valuable.

Letters. They were all folded in the same manner, all written on the same stationary, all scribed in the same neat penmanship. All but one had dates scrawled in the corner, dates that went back years.

The lone letter without a date sat on top, like a prologue to the rest.

 _Dear Magnus,_

 _If you're reading this, then I must be dead. (Or you're just incredibly nosy.) I've been keeping these letters in my old room at the Institute. I told Jace about them and asked him to make sure that you get them when I die._

 _Do you remember telling me that you never wanted to forget a single day we spent together? You mentioned something about keeping your memories in a safe place. I'm guessing that you mean literally - with some sort of magic. I obviously don't have magic, and my hand would probably fall off if I tried to write down all of my memories of us, so I decided on writing a letter every now and then._

 _At first, writing these letters was just a way to organize my thoughts. You of all people know that I've never been very good with words - not aloud anyway. Somewhere along the line it became something different. A way for you to remember me. Is that selfish of me?_

 _Whatever. I don't really care. I'm dead, I'm allowed to be selfish._

 _I suppose I should apologize for the sheer amount of letters. There are dozens of them, and I'm still adding to the collection. I have a lot of thoughts, especially when it comes to you. Some of these letters might not make any sense and might not have much order to them, but I can assure you that they are 100% honest._

 _I love you. If there's one thing you should take away from this, it's that. I love you and I always will. I will love you in heaven and in hell, in life and in death. I can't even begin articulate how grateful I am to have met you, how grateful I am to the universe for allowing us to cross paths._

 _I love you so fucking_ _much, Magnus Bane. (Sorry. As you know, I swear too much sometimes.)_

 _Forever yours,_

 _Alexander_

 _P.S. I signed it 'Alexander' just for you. You better appreciate that._

He did. He appreciated everything Alec did for him.

Magnus folded the letter and placed it back in the box. He was always so careful with those letters, like a twitch of his finger would send them up in flames. He clutched the box close to his chest and just breathed.

He couldn't remember the last time he felt he could breathe properly.

That was a lie. Of course he remembered. It was his last day with Alexander.

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 **Tell me what you think in the comments. Should I continue? Should I delete it so we can all pretend that this never happened?**


	2. My Greatest Fear

**I know, it's short.**

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 _Dear Magnus,_

 _I'm not afraid of dying. I never have been, to be honest. (Don't worry, I don't have a death wish.) We've talked about this. You told me your theory - how Nephilim are like the Vikings in that sense. Our culture views dying in battle as an honor. We grow up thinking that death isn't scary, that it would be a privilege to give our lives for the Cause._

 _Death isn't what scares me. My greatest fear is leaving you behind._

 _That came out wrong. I don't want you to die. In fact, you better live at least another century after I die._

 _Everyone knows that I need you, but it seems that people always forget that you need me too. You are so independent and strong and enduring that the others seem to forget that you're human too. You're the most human person I know. And part of being human is being vulnerable, something you rarely allow yourself to be._

 _I just have one request: Please don't close yourself off from people._

 _Be vulnerable. Tell Catarina how you're furious with me for dying. Tell Isabelle all my embarrassing secrets - assuming she doesn't already know them all. Mentally scar Jace by telling him about that time we had sex on his bed. (I'm serious. I'm dead, it's not like he can get back at me.)_

 _I love you beyond reason,_

 _Alec_

Magnus laughed, alone in his bedroom. The same bedroom he had shared with Alec. He didn't live in that flat anymore - he couldn't, not if he ever wanted to heal - but he had decided to keep it when he moved out. He couldn't stand the thought of strangers moving in, of people living in the apartment that held so many precious memories for him.

He laughed because it was the only thing stopping him from crying.

Finally he reached for his phone and texted Catarina, asking her to come over. Magnus was going to do his best to fulfill Alec's request. He would do anything for him, even if he wasn't here anymore.

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 **If you have any prompts for more letters, leave them in the comments. I like writing these. They don't take that long and it's something different from my usual writing.**


	3. I Asked You First

**Well I was supposed to be revising my opening statement but then this happened. Oops.**

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Out of respect to his late husband's culture, Magnus wore white to the funeral.

Husband.

Magnus smiled just thinking the word, suddenly aware of the weight of the lone ring he wore. It was gold; the jewelry itself was a nod to mundane traditions, the color an acknowledgement of Nephilim customs.

He remembered their wedding with vivid clarity.

 _Dear Magnus,_

 _Sometimes I hate the Clave. Sometimes I hate the Law. I hate that we live in worry that they'll try to take Rafael away from us. I hate the Cold Peace, the laws that make it so that Helen Blackthorn rarely gets to see her own wife and family._

 _But that's not what this letter is about. It was a long time coming, but at last the Clave overturned the law that prohibits Downworlders and Shadowhunters from marrying in traditional Nephilim ceremonies._

 _In other words, we could get married._

 _I told you nearly the minute I found out. I had heard that the issue was up for vote, but I didn't dare get my hopes up. I remember going to the Institute - Jace and Clary had just come back from Idris. Jace was grinning like a madman. I asked him, "What stupid thing did you do now?"_

 _When Jace told me of the Clave's decision, the first thing I did was call you. I told you what happened and you hung up. Less than a minute later, you had Portaled to the Institue with Rafael and Max right behind you._

 _You asked me to marry you. Right then and there. I said something along the lines of "I asked you first." You laughed and kissed me, and long story short: we both said yes._

 _We planned the entire wedding in a week. I don't think either of us slept._

 _But the wedding wasn't the important part. It was great - it was everything I could have asked for - but the important part was being married to you. I won't ever forget it. The way you smiled, the way you looked in gold, the gleam in your eyes when you Marked me. I remember calling you my husband for the first time and thinking that it just felt right._

 _I've had a lot of doubts over the years. Doubts about whether I was doing the right thing, about being who I was, about being a good father. One thing I have never doubted are my feelings for you._

 _Your husband,_

 _Alec_

Alec had worn gold, standing at the altar with Jace at his side. Magnus had been similarly dressed and he had made good on his promise to Catarina; she was his best woman.

Alec's entire face had been lit up with a smile and his eyes were shining, bottle-blue and beautiful.

A Silent Brother had presided over the ceremony. He'd told Magnus to Mark Alec, once on the hand and once over the heart. Magnus had practiced drawing the wedding runes during the week leading up to it. As a Downworlder, Magnus couldn't receive the Marks, so in place of them Alec had given him a ring.

There were three simple words engraved on the inside of it.

Now Alec's eyes were covered with white silk, his arms crossed over his chest. A seraph blade rested in his right hand, over his heart. His body was set on the funeral pyre.

As Magnus watched the pyre go up in flames, he could have sworn he felt those words burn into the skin of his finger, like a brand.

Aku cinta kamu.

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 **Tell me what you think the comments below. I appreciate any feedback.**


	4. Don't, Don't, Don't Leave Me

**I'm a sadist.**

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Magnus had once said that he would never be ready to let Alec go, even after fifty or sixty years together.

He never got to find out if that was true. He never got the chance to reconsider giving up his immortality, never got the chance to find out if he was brave enough to go through with it. Alec would never get the chance to be a grandfather. Alec would never get the chance to grow old. Because he didn't get Alec for sixty more years, or even fifty.

Alec died not long after his fortieth birthday. He'd been on a hunt with Jace and Isabelle, just like old times. He'd laughed before walking out the door. He had told Magnus not to wait up. He had told Magnus "I love you," and told him to remember that Max was bringing his girlfriend over for dinner that week.

Magnus was thankful that Rafael hadn't been on that hunt. Rafael had already been through so much. He didn't need to watch his father die.

Isabelle had called him, begging him to come quickly in between sobs.

Magnus got there just in time to say goodbye. Just in time to see the hole in his chest. Just in time to try and fail to heal him. He remembers blinking away tears and kissing Alexander and begging him not to leave Magnus alone.

 _Dear Magnus,_

 _I know you've already done so much for me - more than you probably know - but I have one last favor to ask you: Take care of the others for me, please._

 _Don't let Jace blame himself. Even if I died in some freak accident, Angel knows that Jace will find a way to blame himself. He's kind of an asshole like that, always finding a way to make himself the center of attention. (I'm joking, of course.) Tell him that I'm glad he found Clary, that all I ever wanted was for him to find his own happiness._

 _Don't let Izzy close herself off. She does that, you know, when she's hurt. She thinks it makes her seem weak. Make sure that she knows how strong she is, how much I loved her, and how grateful I was to have her as my sister. (And please, kick Simon's ass if he even thinks about hurting her.)_

 _Don't forget to take care of yourself though. Your well-being should come first._

 _Love always,_

 _Alec_

Alec had turned to Jace. The blond was only half sane, he was crying without restraint. Full body-wracking sobs. His hand was pressed over his parabatai rune. "Take care of mine, parabatai," Alec said.

Alec had been smiling ever so slightly, looking so goddamn peaceful even as he struggled to breathe.

"Love you, Izzy. Tell Mom and Dad." He trailed off, sure that his sister would know the rest without having to tell her.

Finally he looked back at Magnus, blue eyes so bright and so full of love it _hurt_. "Tell Max and Rafe I love them. Tell them to look out for each other."

"You can tell them yourself, just hold on. Please, Alexander." He cupped Alec's face with one hand, the other pressed to his chest trying to heal him.

Alec leaned into his touch, turning his head and kissing his palm. "You've made me so happy, Magnus."

Magnus knew the exact second Alec died, because that was the second that Jace started screaming.

"DO SOMETHING!" Isabelle cried. "Why are you just sitting there? Heal him!"

Magnus wished he could. He would have loved nothing more than to be able to bring Alexander back. For now, he settled for hugging Isabelle and letting her cry into his chest.

(If she noticed his own tears falling, she never said anything.)

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 **Any more prompts? Either for this story or other (happier) one-shots.**


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